And this is how it began.....

I want you all to understand that I am a very happy stay at home mom, but when my husband complains about money and bills, which I must say usually, always get paid once we find out they are there and well, as for money there is only one way to get more of that....and we all know what that is, because in all honesty, and I have bought those little tickets too, the lottery is never won by people like me.  I'm sure that most of the people who win the millions of dollars every day need that money.  Some are retired people who've busted their butts every day to make ends meet and they need a little "extra" cushion on top of their retirement savings plans and their other income.  Some people will never retire, they aren't made that way, they have to work very hard, day in and day out.  My husband IS one of those people.  And I know when we are old and grey and our four children have moved out of our home we will not get that "relaxing on the beach doing absolutely nothing" time that everyone works so hard to have.  We will be doing the same things we do now, except we'll be grey.  Because of my husband's constant worry about money, something he does because "the wicked witch of the west" (my mother in law) ingrained in him that money is the most important thing on this planet, above all else money is the entire reason we are here and it comes before everything, family, friends, social time, private time, vacation time.  It is a horrible battle between us trying to learn a balance that he can comfortably live pay check to pay check like the other 80% of the world does and of course it's so hard for him to understand that we (regular people) all don't live on a $1 million dollar trust.  It is unfortunate that my husband sacrifices so much for the greater good of MONEY?!  I can't even stand it.  The government is making life so much harder for us.  We are a one income family raising 4 children under the age of 11 and the fact that some times our friends, and even we have on occasion, have to choose between paying hydro or buying groceries for our children to eat.  Now that's pathetic.  Thank you so much for taking all our hard earned money and giving "tax breaks" to the wealthy.  Heartless bunch of people you are.

  Okay, so once again I'm getting off track, so much goes through my mind at nap time lol.  So, my husband complains about money, and I have always wanted to be a realtor so I take the opportunity to study for it while I'm still home for another 3 years.  Not so fast though, I never finished high school so I had to take a test to see if I was smart enough to do it.  The exam was a schedule 3 hours and I finished it in 1.  I sat there waiting and all of a sudden a flashback came to light in my mind, this was how it always was in school for me, done my work but not wanting to be the first to get up, what if I had done something wrong, maybe I should check my work.  No, I can't check my work, that is my biggest downfall.  I always second guess myself and that's where I get into trouble.  This is Real Estate, I have been studying it for 14 years, I know this stuff.  So, the guy in the far corner stood up and he didn't look like the typical real estate agent, but he stood up and that's all I needed to be able to get up and go, and I did.  I walked out of that classroom with sweaty palms and my head held high.  Everything was going to be fine, the results would be in within 3 weeks and I'd get to start.  Well, 4 days later I got my results....I passed....100% holy cow I thought, I was so happy.  And then it hit me well now we have to pay for the next course and we did.  That week I started the first course on a life long dream and at first I loved it but as my exam day grew nearer I realized "this is taking a lot of time away from the children" so I pushed on, stayed up some late nights, was not very pleasant to wake up to I'm sure as I didn't want to get out of bed.  I was up the morning before the exam, which was to take place at 9 am, until 4 am and I still woke up bright and early, 7am with my children, feed them breakfast then headed out the door.  After I wrote the exam thoughts crossed my mind, is this really what I want?  Well the answer was obvious for the long view of my life, YES.  But for right now it's a little confusing because, it's clear very clear, but in the opposite direction.  NO, for now I want all my time devoted to my children, they are only young once and I knew this was what I was meant to do with my life.  So, now what?  Do I continue my studies just at a slower pace, or stop all together and then pick it up again in 3 years and pay for it all over again?  Well, I don't know.  But until we have money for the next course I have a little time to think about it.

alotment is wrong on so many levels.  And I wouldn't stand for it in my house.  It is her money which I really couldn't care less about, except it's all he ever knew.  He never had a real job until we got together and he was fired from it because he thought it was okay to come and go as he pleased.  I had gone from raising two little girls on my own to married to a man that I had to teach how the real world works and raising two little girls and pregnant with a little boy.  It was a very stressful time in my life.  But I'm happy to say that he (my husband) has come a long way in these passed few years and we don't add to that debt but we still can't seem to get ahead.  Organization is key to me and I bought a bunch of books to help, but I don't need them.  As I was listening to David Bach's book on disc Debt-Free for Life I realized, I'm not in debt, not that I can't get out of anyways.  I loved his audio book and would recommend it for anyone in debt.  You can find David Bach on Twitter @AuthorDavidBach and on Facebook by his name.  

  The next book I read in my better life journey was 10*10*10 by Suzy Welch and although I wonder how this can be used in so many different aspects of life there is just something about it that makes me wonder how well it works.  I mean, anyone can come to the conclusions that you get in 10 days 10 months and 10 years of how your life will be. That is not the challenge.  The challenge is accepting them and changing to make a difference.  These are both great books about two different topics.  Suzy's book is about decisions and David's is about well getting out of debt.  I would suggest getting either book from the store, the library, anywhere.  They are worth a read. 

  But before these audio books I read, that's right with my own eyes and mind, I read Clutter Rehab by Laura Wittmann.  She give 101 tips and tricks to become an organization junkie and love it.  The thing is the tips are repetitive, they are different locations in your house but the same tip so it's not really 101 tips.  I use almost all of her tips in my every day life and have for years.  And my house does not give off the picture perfect image that I would like for it to display to the world.  In fact, my house is the complete opposite.  I don't like having people over because it is "lived in", I mean, I'm raising four young children and if I'm not picking up after them every second of the day the house gets messy.  And it's not dirty, just messy but neither of those issues are something I would like my children to be living in.  Now that everyone is old enough to be a little bit independent I am getting my act in gear.  I haven't figured out what to do with the studying yet, but I have figured out that I want to get my house to the best shape it can be and maybe start my own business (another dream of mine).  I don't know where I will be in the future, but I do know that my children will be happy, healthy and well taken care of and loved by their mother.  Organized perfectly or not. 

  My office was the first thing to get organized and now that it is, my bedroom will be next and then the living room.  I organized all my movies last week and luckily for the first 4 days no one touched them, they were in alphabetical order and I loved it.  Now, not so much.  But I will get it back there. 

  See you all later.  I must go for now Mommy duty awaits.