It's been awhile...

Hey everyone, sorry that I disappeared on you again.  I really do intend to blog more frequently.  I have just been very busy lately.  My husband came home from being gone for a month.  He wasn't even home a month and he had to go again (only for 2 weeks though) but the month of August is a busy one for him and then he is also gone in October for 2 months.  He will be home for Christmas.  That is my only major worry is that one day he won't be home for Christmas and that will break my heart.  Christmas is my all time favorite day, time, season of the entire year.  I love Christmas.  And then he goes again for 3 months in the spring.

So, I have been having a rough time dealing with my husband being gone this time.  He's not even gone long that's the part I don't understand.  I mean he left me with a 2 month old last summer and I was perfectly fine with the four children but this time for just 12 days I just can't seem to handle it well.  I think that it may be because it's too soon after the last time he was away.  I need to change my mind set because I want him to do all this stuff I mean he loves it and it's what he wants to do but then I'm lonely and feel crumby when he's gone.  I don't work so I really am just home all day and night with my four wonderful babies who fight on and off throughout the day as siblings often do.  I am very disappointed in myself because I feel I should be able to handle it better, but I can't!  I don't, for whatever reason, I just cannot deal well with separation :(  I feel so angry with myself because I know I can handle it, I just don't know why I'm not.  I think with wanting to buy our first home of our own and not wanting to be away from my husband, I mean I am ready to move to wherever in the world they put him just because I hate being without him especially at night :(  I miss the security that having him near by would give me.  I love my husband very much and I am very clingy lately.  You'd almost think I was pregnant the way the emotions fly about this pending move lol.  I'm not.  We have chosen not to have anymore children, not that I wish we hadn't made that choice every time I see a new cute baby ;) lol.  Well, I'm off, finding it hard to keep my eyes open.  I will be back tomorrow.  I promise!  I am going to try to blog every night after I put my angels to bed.  I love my children so very much I struggle every day with trying to do the right thing and give them the best of life.  I hope one day they see....all I ever wanted was the best for my babies.

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